Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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