Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
