He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
