He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I need to calm my uterus...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
