i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
