OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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