Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
