This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
