Pappa wants mamma naked
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
