I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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