at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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