the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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