Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
