every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
