Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The uberlube is also flammable
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
