Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
