I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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