I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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