when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Randomize
