While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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