I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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