I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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