Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
