i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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