I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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