oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
