Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
