I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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