Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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