you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
