It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
