oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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