I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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