Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
