yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
