My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
