I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
You ruined the universe
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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