please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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