You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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