I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
