Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
