Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Randomize
