Rock
Scissors
Fuck
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
