I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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