8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
This is my gift to your gina
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
