I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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