my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
