For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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