How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
