but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
