I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
